I need space. I do, really. Lots. And not just because I am big. Sometimes the advise and the criticism is a pain. I wish I could start an empathy programme for people who give advise to Us.
What would that program entail?
I would strap on weighing bags onto these people around their hips, thighs, arms, waists that would simulate the manner in weight is carried on the body. In this 'weighed on' manner they would have to live their everyday lives for a week. In that time, they will have to go shopping, and find clothes that fit them, and also shop for food just like one of Us. And I would factor in an energetic child, whom they will have to attend to as well as the housework. After all this, they will have to work in the two hours of exercise needed for someone of our size to lose wieght in any meaningful sense.
Go on. Do it for a week. Live life on our side of the fence and see how things are. You will find that standing at the fence and giving advice will be a little more difficult for you, morally. Because unlike you, our 'programme' is a little longer term than a week. It is more like months, years, and decades. And unlike you , our programme has other variables like humiliation and judgement factored in too. Along with assumptions of stupidity.
So be gentle next time, ok? Don't stand at the fence, apply that stellar mind of yours and build a few gates, hmm?
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Whoa! I am back!
Its been a while. I haven't managed to post a single post since my first almost unread one. Its not the way blogging is supposed to be and I am sorry.
In the mean time I have attended a wedding in the family, and it was quite something. For one, it was a GREAT Indian wedding. Which means there was half a week of revelry, meeting people most of whom you don't like, and all of who judge you, as well as sinfully fattening foods: deep fried stuff, and sinful desserts. So there you have it! It happened to good ol' me. For most part, I was really busy attending to stuff as this was my younger sister's wedding and I was family. So I barely had time to enjoy most of the wedding. And I also did not get to binge, which is fortunate indeed.
However, seeing the reaction of people to my exalted size status was a veritable eye opener. One aunt broke down in concern as she was convinced I would die before my time (She had a point).
Then there was the priest who had come to marry my sister. (He was attached to a temple where our family is particular to worship, and he is a wise kind of man, who lays a lot of emphasis on the spirit of the ceremony rather than empty rituals.) Poor man was aghast to see me all bloated. He kept telling me to go for walks to increase my exercise. He has married me too, and he kept saying that he wanted me to get better the next time he came to perform a puja at my parents' home.
And of course there were all the bitchy people who made their points in their own snide ways. Water off a duck's back to me really.
What concerned me was this. I knew that there was a point to all that. And everyone was tiptoeing around me like I was dead already. Not one person asked me how I was doing, really. To most people, no other aspect of my persoality presented itself apart from my 'big'ness.
And I am more than that. I am a reasonably competent mother and wife. I am a well networked person in the family circle. We have been travelling so much, and very few people asked me about the places I had seen, the people there and so it struck me.
I was just a person with a medical condition. It was just a matter of time for me. So I made up my mind. I was going to reclaim my life from the throes of nonself pity and self pity and I would return. Whoa! I am back!
In the mean time I have attended a wedding in the family, and it was quite something. For one, it was a GREAT Indian wedding. Which means there was half a week of revelry, meeting people most of whom you don't like, and all of who judge you, as well as sinfully fattening foods: deep fried stuff, and sinful desserts. So there you have it! It happened to good ol' me. For most part, I was really busy attending to stuff as this was my younger sister's wedding and I was family. So I barely had time to enjoy most of the wedding. And I also did not get to binge, which is fortunate indeed.
However, seeing the reaction of people to my exalted size status was a veritable eye opener. One aunt broke down in concern as she was convinced I would die before my time (She had a point).
Then there was the priest who had come to marry my sister. (He was attached to a temple where our family is particular to worship, and he is a wise kind of man, who lays a lot of emphasis on the spirit of the ceremony rather than empty rituals.) Poor man was aghast to see me all bloated. He kept telling me to go for walks to increase my exercise. He has married me too, and he kept saying that he wanted me to get better the next time he came to perform a puja at my parents' home.
And of course there were all the bitchy people who made their points in their own snide ways. Water off a duck's back to me really.
What concerned me was this. I knew that there was a point to all that. And everyone was tiptoeing around me like I was dead already. Not one person asked me how I was doing, really. To most people, no other aspect of my persoality presented itself apart from my 'big'ness.
And I am more than that. I am a reasonably competent mother and wife. I am a well networked person in the family circle. We have been travelling so much, and very few people asked me about the places I had seen, the people there and so it struck me.
I was just a person with a medical condition. It was just a matter of time for me. So I made up my mind. I was going to reclaim my life from the throes of nonself pity and self pity and I would return. Whoa! I am back!
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